20 cigarettes in a hand , one gun in an other

In a chair facing a window
he was siting there
a table carrying his elbow
his mind wasn't here

                                                                           
20 cigarettes ,
as much as his left hand can carry
A gun ,
to bring balance or maybe peace
balance to his right hand
or peace to both of them

20 cigarettes ,
each one represents one thing
in his miserable life

one for a name that he is ashamed to say
one for a unknown family that dropped him away
One for not having friends
one for his job
one for his career
one for his forgotten girlfriend
one for his dead wife
one for his lost kid
One for him
.
.
.
one , a number
that he will be counting
as long as he smokes
as long as he forgets
as long as he survives
as long as he suffers

Or one ,
One move to make end to that
a painful end , but it could be the end
Pulling the trigger
a little piece of metal
will bring peace and order to his life
isn't that right
no one would be asking
no one whould be searching
no one whould be missed


time can't be stopped ,
not in his watch ,
not in his right hand watch ,
he keeps thinking.

Smoking kills ,
Problems too .
he can't get over that ,
a hungry ghost is purchasing him
where to go ,
who to trust
where is the exit ?

tic, tic, tic
time is running
NO ring calls
He mad a choice :
Suicide at 5th Avenue

                                                             Ismael_ak